Shame on Slut Shaming!

It’s been quite a while since I posted a blog here, and truthfully I’m not sure this is the right place to post this one.  I suppose since this is the most in-your-face blog I write, it will have to do.

*Note:  This post might be considered NSFW, just FYI*

I am currently writing a few adult-themed books.  I started writing about this topic for numerous reasons, one of which is to pen a  memoir about my own time in the adult entertainment business.  (Yes, I was in the business – no, that’s not what this blog is about.  More about all of that later!)   Anyhow, many people, men and women alike, view pornographic materials more than ever, these days.  In many ways, porn is more “acceptable” than it was in years past, and it is not unheard of for a porn star to make the cross-over from adult to mainstream entertainment work.  Even so, the phenomenon of Slut Shaming still exists.

Urban Dictionary defines Slut Shaming as:  (In it’s entirety)

An unfortunate phenomenon in which people degrade or mock a woman because she enjoys having sex, has sex a lot, or may even just be rumored to participate in sexual activity. Often it’s accompanied by urban legends such as the common virgin misconception that the vagina becomes larger or looser with use– in fact, sex has no effect on vaginal size.However, since most people would rather women be MORE sexually active than less, slut shaming is counterproductive to the aims of most men and quite a few ladies.
Guy 1: Ha ha Megan had sex with two guys, she’s such a SLUT!Guy 2: You idiot, do you want her to stop having sex? We should be encouraging this. Your slut shaming will simply discourage more women from sleeping with us and we will be virgins forever.
***

Long, semi-humorous answer, yes, but that’s it in a nutshell…and it’s been going on forever.

I once played the role of Juanita in a local theatre production of Splendor in the Grass.  For those unfamiliar with this tale, it’s depression era drama centering around a mentally unstable girl and her boyfriend.  The girl, a “nice” girl with morals turns down her boyfriend’s repeated requests for sex.  Enter MY character (pun intended), the town slut, who happily obliges where our leading lady cannot.  Juanita is a supporting character, but after she gives in to the desperate boy, and apparently all of his friends as well, she is shunned in many of her scenes.  People–even guys–act like they don’t like her, until they get horny, and then she’s the most popular gal in town.  Now, remember, this is set in a time that was pre-internet, pre-Twitter, pre-sexting, etc., etc.  But old fashioned gossip was just as fast, and actually more effective as there were rarely any technological glitches, so word about a morally loose female traveled fast in those days.  Another example of “early” Slut Shaming is the story of a very dear relative of mine.  She was 92 years young when she transitioned from this world, and was one of the most amazing women I had ever known.  Apparently, for her wedding, she was given a chest full of quilts.  Her siblings were given land.  Why was she shorted?  She was three months pregnant at the time of her wedding.  The whore!

Slut Shaming goes back even further than that.  My final example of these ye olde cases will be just two words.  A name:  Mary Magdalene.

Enough said.

I could go on and on, detailing my own experiences, as a middle schooler who had never even been kissed by a boy, yet because of how I looked, how I carried myself, how I dressed, I was called a “slut.”  Or how I was treated by certain friends and family members after it was discovered that I was working as a webcam model.  (It was once suggested that I needed rehab for “sex addiction.”)  Yes, yes – Slut Shaming is something I am all too familiar with, and frankly, I’m sick of it!

It seems that not a day can pass without a headline somewhere saying that Slut Shaming is responsible for the suicide of some young girl, somewhere.

It makes my mind wander…where does this high-horse, moral need to judge a female for liking sex come from?  I may be way off, but it all seems to stem from religion.  I’m not here to bash religion, but I have met more than one overly-religious female who has never even experienced an orgasm…and invariably it’s discovered that her husband has had an affair.  Or two.  Just like Juanita from “Splendor” there is always someone willing to oblige…but is then looked down upon, while the repressed wife, who is too afraid to even have an orgasm, takes back her offending husband, and offers forgiveness.  He is now back in the good graces of his spouse AND God, but Slut Juanita is bound straight for Hell.  Wifey is still sexually unsatisfied, but such is her life as a moral woman born of original sin.  Of course, she did manage to put out enough to spawn a few children.   For the sake of argument, let’s say, some boys.  Boys who grow up being told that they need to marry a virgin, but that doesn’t stop them from having a few Juanitas of their own before settling on yet another repressed woman who reminds them all too much of dear old ma.

And the cycle continues

It goes beyond the Juanitas, too…it includes women who actually have the audacity to…dare I say, LIKE sex!

So, if you’re morally questionable, you’re a slut.  And if you like sex, you’re a slut.

And if you’re a slut, then you’re probably going to wind up in Hell, in a salacious gang-bang with Satan and a few (hundred) of his closest cronies.  Or at least that’s what people who like to “slut shame” tell us sluts.

Yes, I’m one of them.  I love sex.  And…I’ve had sex in front of people.  A lot of people.  On film.  And I got paid for it.  I have orgasms and think masturbation is healthy and necessary.  I believe in open sexual dialogue between parents and children.  I believe in sex education.  Like I said, though – it wasn’t always that way.  I was a virgin for MUCH longer than many of my friends, and my “numbers” are much lower than what people might think they are.  (Also, I am in a monogamous relationship with my Beloved, who was the only one to perform with me back in the ol’ webcam days, just so you know.)

Nonetheless, I am a Slut Shamed slut. but I am not ashamed.  In fact, I am taking back the word “slut.”  It no longer hurts me.  It hasn’t hurt me in years.  It’s a joke to me now.  Call me a slut and I’ll laugh in your face.  Call me frigid though, and we’ll have a problem.  😉

In all seriousness, it’s time for the Slut Shaming to end.  I HATE TO BREAK THIS TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ANTI-SEX, BUT YOUR JUDGMENTAL ASS WOULDN’T BE HERE IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE FACT THAT YOUR DADDY CAME INSIDE YOUR MAMA.

Yes, I said that, and no, I do not apologize.  In fact, if YOU have Slut Shamed someone, YOU can apologize.  Not to me.  But to the person who you hurt.  And if you cannot do that, make a promise to yourself to stop the derogatory, hurtful and negative behavior, five minutes ago.  It’s not too late to change your ways.  And it’s not too late to realize that girls who like sex should not be targets for your hostility.

Get the f*ck over it.  Literally.

#endslutshaming

***

PS.  One last thing, I humbly apologize for NOT including the fact that Slut Shaming is relevant to and in the Gay community, as well.   I’d like to share a  comment about this post from a dear friend of mine, which prompted me to make this update:  “I love it, there needs to be less sex shaming period – I think part of shaming sex is tied to homophobia as well, the minute that someone starts talking about gays, hell and sin it comes back to sex…. not the person. At this point all I can say is if we don’t sin, didn’t your Jesus die in vain?!?” – D.L.M.

2 Comments

  1. Linda

    As always thank you for tackling this topic!

  2. Eotic -Affairs

    I am also in the adult entertainment business and I agree. We all have sex and it’s nothing to be judgmental about. Some women and men are more experience than others, and buy watching our flicks they can gain knowledge and have GREAT SEX. Monkey see , Monkey do…
    http://exotic-affairs.com/main.php

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